Wednesday, August 11, 2010


Dear mosquitoes,

In case you’ve forgotten the rules, I’ll lay them out for you.

  • You do not like the sun. If I am in the sunshine, you are supposed to leave me alone.
  • You live in woods, tall grass and in shade (see point one above).
  • You do not live on shortly mowed lawns, driveways or any other hardscape.
  • A light breeze is enough to keep you from landing on me and feeding.
  • Regardless of location, the hours between 9:00 pm and 11:00 pm are all yours. Anyone stupid enough to be outside during these times is fair game. They go outside at their own risk.
  • If it is not between 9:00 pm and 11:00 pm or if I am not in the woods, tall grass or shade, then you are not supposed to be feeding on me.

Failure to abide by these rules will result in something drastic on my part.

Thank you.

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